If You Give a Villager a Magic Book
by GintaxAlvissForever
Summary: Just don't!
**If You Give a Villager a Magic Book**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. I also do not own Queen's Blade that is owned by Hobby Japan. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters.**

 **Summary: Just don't! When K gets his hands on a magic book that allows him to do whatever he wants to the Smashers, it's a race against time to grab the book before he actually hurts someone.**

 **Pairing: Implied Pit/Rob/Shulk, Cloud/Corrin and Bayonetta/Cory**

 **Rated: T (for teen)**

 **Genre: Parody, Humor, Adventure, Friendship**

 **Warning: Swearing, cartoon violence, tentacles (somehow), over the top pranks and unintentional OOC**

 **For Smash Comedy Month 2016 (which the month already passed). I don't think I'll be giving a name to the magician seeing as how there isn't anyone in the Queen's Blade universe I can use. I am also attempting to relive the randomness of** _ **Pink Isn't Your Color**_ **with this fic. Enjoy!**

* * *

Smashopolis was a magical place. Something different always happened every day. New items would be sold in the Trade Center, new tourists would arrive but only a few decided to live in Smashopolis permanently, and of course, there were always the Smash tournaments to look forward to. The story will only going to focus on the Trade Center seeing as how the plot can only begin due to a certain Smasher receiving an item that is listed as the title of this story.

The main Villager fighting in Smash Brothers was dubbed K. No one knew his real name. There were speculations his name was either "Kid" or "Killer", but everyone just decided on K to be on the safe side. The Villagers were not the most stable children. They may have been the mayors of Smashopolis (except the yellow Villager Ed. Apparently he was too stupid to be a mayor), but they were still kids at heart who were watched over by Isabelle. K was the most dangerous Villager of the bunch. He was always looking for ways to make money and different items to bring back for the museum. These ranged from different types of fish to more…weirder things. K was looking for something to entertain him today. He had enough bells to pay for anything in Smashopolis (even if the currency was the same as ours), so it was just a matter of spending it on something that was worth it.

The Trade Center had more than merchants from all over the universe selling stuff to people. Sometimes there were performers that used the Central Square to perform. The exotic performances was often enough to get money thrown at them (even though Master Hand really didn't approve of a certain dancer dancing to try and get her into Smash). Whether it was dancers or musicians, they never ceased to disappoint.

Today, it was a magician though who their face behind a half-mask. The person was using a magic book to create objects out of thin air. These items would be sold to the individual, but they warned them that if they didn't believe long enough, the item would soon disappear. These items were actually given to children who simply wanted a small souvenir of their own. Most of the items were either Figmas or Amiibos.

The person saw K watching from a distant and urged him to come closer. The magician claimed to be from a place called Mel Fair Land where anything magical could happen. This person wanted to spread the magic to Smashopolis seeing as how it was a realm filled with life. The magician knew K was different from the rest of the kids they spoke to. K had the eyes of a killer…or at least a prankster. K was ready for a book that was more powerful than the spells the magician was using.

"This magic book is capable of transforming a person's body to whatever the situation fits." The magician explained. "It won't work on everyone, but for every spell successfully casted, the book grows stronger. I hope to see what you intend to do with this."

K was given the book for free. That was a red flag in of itself. If you give a Villager a Magic Book, he's going to fuck with everyone in Smashopolis. K smiled as a glint appeared in his eye as he stared at the cover of the book. It looked similar to the tomes that the tactician twins had in the mansion, but it had this evil aura to it. Looking up, K noticed the magician vanished from sight. Not like he cared where the magician went nor was it important to the story where the magician went. K was ready to cause chaos…

* * *

K was very excited to test out the magic book he got from the mysterious person. He wanted a good laugh today, and he felt like this book was going to satisfy his boredom.

The spell book was written in an odd language that K could surprisingly understand. The Villagers were unique that it didn't matter what language the book was in. If he opened his mouth like the other Villagers (who weren't aware they were able to read other languages), then he would actually be a huge help to Pit and any other Smasher who needed help translating certain text.

The first few spells that K read in the book were transformation spells. There was a long, detailed list explaining how these spells worked and what the caster needed to look out for. It even had lists of risks of doing them and how to reverse the spell. On a smaller note, it said that those with divine powers would be most likely immune to these spells and anything in the book. It left out Palutena, Rosalina, Pit and Dark Pit out as potential victims. K didn't really want to bother with them seeing as how if they saw the book, they would take it from him immediately.

The next spell that K came across was a sleep spell. It seemed very generic at first glance, but the red Villager wondered if he could spice it up and make it unique.

"…Let's test it on Ryu."

Why did he choose Ryu of all people? Ryu was the type of guy who could fall asleep anywhere at random. In the Villager's head, he thought that if the spell worked that he would have to make sure that it didn't catch anyone's attention. The last thing he wanted was for the book to be confiscated by one of the older Smashers.

"Found you."

Ryu was always in the training room. When he wasn't training, he was jogging outside of the mansion and when he wasn't doing either…he would be eating or sleeping. For a powerful warrior, he sure leads a simple life in Smashopolis.

The martial artist failed to notice K entering the training room. He was so busy abusing Sandbag that he failed to see K start casting a spell.

"Ryu will fall asleep every five minutes." K hummed. "It will only last an entire day."

K didn't expect the spell to work, but when it did, the grin on his face widened. Ryu dropped everything he was doing and fell asleep in front of the Sandbag. It was so sudden that he faceplanted into the mat.

"It works." K said simply. "Now I wait for five minutes."

And five minutes he waited. K had looked through the other spells to see what else he could do besides put people to sleep or turn them into animals. He found some smaller spells that he knew Ashley has casted on some of the Smashers in the past. Some included making someone sick and another included changing a person's skin color that wouldn't wash away with a shower. The one that got his attention was being able to change someone's gender on a whim…

K jumped hearing Ryu jump up almost immediately. He sighed realizing that someone found him snoozing on the floor.

"I must have fallen asleep…" Ryu grumbled. "Did you wake me up K?"

K could only nod his head as the martial artist let out another yawn.

"You should go back to your room." K suggested. "The bed is waiting for you."

"Maybe a nap will be goo…"

Ryu didn't even get to finish his sentence because he collapsed onto the floor again and fell asleep. The Villager giggled at how Ryu would only have a minute or two to move around before he fell asleep again. This would continue for every five minutes unless he decided to go to sleep for real. Knowing that the magic book was legit, the Villager proceeded onward toward his next target.

* * *

The next targets were the Pokémon trainers Red and Calum. They were in the west wing where all the Pokémon that were in Pokéballs were (the Pokémon that belonged to the trainers stayed with them). There was no Nurse Joy in the mansion to look out for these Pokémon (there was a Pokémon Center in Smashopolis though) leaving the two trainers to take care of the Pokémon. Red didn't mind too much since he got access to the legendary Pokémon. Calum on the other hand didn't like the idea simply because bringing a legendary Pokémon out meant taking them far out into the mansion just to feed him. Groudon and Kyogre had to be handled with extreme caution due to their abilities to control the weather.

K had an evil glint in his eye as he searched through the book and found some practical spells. For Calum, he wanted the Kalos trainer to sneeze non-stop. For Red, he wanted the Kanto trainer to break out into hives.

The spells worked almost instantly. Calum sneezed once and he thought someone was talking to him. He sneezed twice and realized that it was probably someone in Kalos talking shit about him. He sneezed a third time…and he realized he was getting sick attending to these Pokémon.

"HIVES!" Red declared as he looked at his body. "I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD THEM!"

"That's what you get for touching the infected Temmie!" Calum shouted before he sneezed.

"BUT YOU CAN'T CATCH HIVES!"

K snickered at the misery the two trainers would soon face. The book in his hands glowed with the spells he casted on the others so far. The book's power was only going to grow stronger from here.

* * *

After messing with the Pokémon trainers, K went straight for Sonic. The blue wonder had finished doing his laps around Smashopolis and had returned to the mansion to take a break. His plans for the day included going to the kitchen to get some water before continuing his training. He wasn't going to lose to Fox the next time they fought in a Smash tournament.

K stalked Sonic into the kitchen. The blue hedgehog didn't hear the mayor of Smashville and continued whistling unaware he was going to become the next victim.

"Since you like running so much, I want you to continue running around Smashopolis nonstop." K hummed as a blue light appeared out of the book and hit Sonic as soon as he reached to grab the water bottle that was in the fridge. Sonic felt a thunder jolt run down his spine and screamed instantly as his legs started moving on their own and running off.

"NOT AGAIN!"

K tilted his head in confusion. Did this happen to Sonic before? The brunette could care less and left the kitchen to search for his next target. He wouldn't get far since someone caught him casting a spell.

"K, I don't know what you did, but you should probably reverse whatever you did to Sonic."

K's expression didn't falter but he was far from pleased being approached by Shulk. The Monado boy had finished taking a shower and already suited up ready to go for a Smash match. Shulk was going to meet Rob later on at Smash Library, but only after he finished his match. The seer wasn't going to be able to go to his match though because of K.

"That's Ashley's book, right? You might want to give it back to her before she curses you."

"How about I curse you?" K asked as he flipped the page and found a powerful spell. "How about I turn you partway into something you don't like?"

Shulk didn't get a vision at all when K suddenly hit him with a spell. He let out a small groan feeling his head hurt suddenly.

"Oww! What did you do?"

Shulk gasped at the loudness of his voice. He tried to cover his ears but noticed they were gone. He wanted to cry out in horror, but realized something was sticking upward. Something long and pointy…

"No you did not just…"

"See ya!"

K already scurried off to search for his next victims. Shulk would have chased him down if he wasn't horrified at his hands becoming small paws of an animal he hated.

"You turned me into a rabbit?! Really?!"

Going after K seemed like the logical answer, but he needed to badger Pit first about the book. There was no way Ashley had a book like that (she would have used it on Wario a long time ago if that were the case).

* * *

In case you were wondering where the Salt Trio (and Cory) hang out, the author will remind you that they are on the roof. The roof can easily be accessed by going up the stairs toward the fifth floor and then climbing the extra staircase that was on the Goddesses' side of the mansion. The roof was large enough for sparring matches to take place, but it was small enough to fit the shape of the overall mansion.

On the roof, you had Cloud and Cory sparring with each other. Cory can never seem to relax unlike her younger twin. She needed to always be on high alert, but Cloud was always open to train with her. He didn't want to be rusty even though he was always a top notch fighter. Bayonetta teased Cory and reminding her she could use a sword too if she wanted to train with someone else besides Cloud. She declined the offer and stuck with her training partner.

Corrin had kept his staff on him in case one of them got hurt. Cory had a bad habit of hurting the Smashers when she fought. Corrin expected his older twin to not harm Cloud today so he took up Bayonetta's offer to "play" with him. Cory hated the way Bayonetta phrased it even though she was only talking about his hair.

The dragon prince may have been a pretty boy, but he wasn't good at taking care of his hair (or his room by that matter). The dragon princess managed to maintain her hair even in combat. Corrin's hair was short but it was messy in the back where a comb couldn't reach. The dragon prince hated when others tried to touch him without his permission. He only gave Cory and his siblings back in his realm the permission to do so. Cloud wanted to do with his hair, so he was out of the equation. Corrin was reluctant to allow Bayonetta to do so fearing she would leave some markings on his back. However, knowing that Bayonetta was the Smasher that fought with her hair and was able to maintain it despite using it as a weapon, he would allow her to do so.

"Corrin dear, you have wonderful hair. You really need to take care of it."

Corrin frowned at Bayonetta's words. He flinched feeling the comb pull his head back slightly. If she pulled anymore, his head would end up in between her breasts.

"I think my hair is the last thing I should be concerned about." The dragon prince responded with a huff. "I have to go back to my world eventually and save it."

"Sweetie, you can save the world and still look gorgeous."

"Are you talking about yourself?"

Cloud had just finished knocking the Yatogami out of Cory's hands. As she went to retrieve her blade to continue her training, she heard Bayonetta's rather egotistical statement.

"Who else would I be talking about?"

If Cory was full of herself, she would have answered that she was a sexy woman saving the world. Unfortunately, she really couldn't say she was good at the saving the world part…

"You really are narcissistic." Was Cory's response.

Bayonetta only flashed a smile as her reply causing Cory to roll her eyes at the Umbra Witch.

Hidden behind the door was K. He knew he was pushing it by trying to cast any spell on them. If it works then he will have something to be proud of, but if he fails to cast a spell on even one of them, he was going to be in for a spanking. If he failed to hit Corrin, he might get away with it given the dragon prince is a huge pushover, but when Corrin is angry, he could be a very scary person.

"These spells will do." K hummed as the spell started to activate. "Change these four Smashers into something they resent."

The spell sounded vague but it was powerful. It took what someone resented and feared and turned it against them. Bayonetta only noticed something was amiss, but by then it was too late. Someone zapped them all with a spell. Corrin screamed upon getting hit that was loud enough to alert many of the Smashers. Cory let out a ferocious roar as she got knocked down along with Cloud. Bayonetta immediately tried to get up and attack but already something was wrong. Compared to everyone else, the spell worked immediately on her.

"What the hell is this?!"

K hummed at what happened. Cloud wanted to help Cory immediately, but the minute he reached out, he saw his entire skin turned blue. If he were to look in the mirror, he looked like a Smurf. Cloud let out a scream seeing his entire body becoming blue.

" **CALM DOWN."** Cory shouted but shut her mouth immediately. Her pitch was incredibly low to the point she sounded like a man. Even her growl was disgustingly low.

No one would panic as much as Bayonetta did. She immediately noticed her hair was falling off. It would be hilarious if it wasn't connected to her powers. The Umbra Witch dropped the comb that was in her hands as her face immediately turned red with a combination of anger and embarrassment. Since her clothes were also part of her hair…it wouldn't be long until she lost them.

"GAHHH! WHAT IS THIS?!"

As for Corrin…well…if Cory gained a manly voice…Corrin gained feminine features. He felt his genitals vanish after being hit and kept screaming feeling something heavy on his chest. Cloud only stopped panicking to gawk at what he was seeing.

"Breasts…really?"

Corrin immediately covered his chest as he let out another scream. "DON'T LOOK!"

 **"CLOUD, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY BROTHER?!"**

Cloud backed up hearing Cory's Yatogami activate. He looked to Bayonetta for help, but she was already gone. She was going to kill the person who she thought did this to her. And that Smasher better watch his back because the real culprit was slipping into the shadows. The spellbook K had continued to glow brighter.

* * *

If there was a day where Pit felt like good fortune was raining down on him, it was today. He got a good night's rest, completed some difficult challenges in Smash, ate a wonderful lunch and now was witnessing his rival Shulk in tears. The tears weren't caused from him, but that was beside the point.

"Aww, you're so adorable." Pit hummed as he softly pet Shulk's rabbit ears that were sticking out of his hair. "This look suits you best."

Shulk made a hissing noise at Pit's unwanted touch. He had attempted to attack the light angel, but what were the odds that Pit had a bag of large carrots in his hand that he was chewing on without the ranch? The rabbit part of him submitted to the desire of carrots almost immediately. He couldn't hope of harming Pit as long as Pit held a bag of carrots in his hand. He was stuck nibbling on one while the brunette treated him like a pet.

"S-Silence!" Shulk hissed as he continued nibbling on the carrot cutely. "J-Just change me back."

"But you're an adorable Wererabbit."

Shulk eyed Palutena with huge, pleading eyes hoping the Goddess of Light would show some mercy. His usual sky blue eyes had been changed to the typical red associated with white rabbits. The green haired Goddess hummed at Shulk's appearance. She wanted to join in on Pit's petting session, but she needed to take this somewhat seriously.

"He's adorable, but I wonder how he transformed into one." Palutena said simply prompting the Monado boy to answer.

"It was K! He had a spell book and turned me into this! Please change me back."

"Did you get a good look at the cover?" Palutena asked. "It's important to know if the book is from Mel Fair Land or not."

Pit's eyes widened at the mention of Mel Fair Land. There were so many surprises in that realm that he wouldn't be surprised if there was a book that turned people into monsters immediately without the slow corruption that usually goes on.

Before Pit could respond, there was someone else who stormed in wanting his head on a platter. Shulk had hopped out of the way unlike Pit who shrieked seeing a pistol placed to his lip.

"You have ten seconds to fix the spell or I'll be shoving this gun into your throat."

"S-Shit! Bayo! Is that you? I thought you were that Pikachu player!" The angel captain asked with a laugh.

Pit had a death wish laughing in Bayonetta's face. He would have died too if Bayonetta wasn't acting out on her emotions. What was Pit laughing at? Well…

"Cereza, what the hell happened to your hair?!" Palutena asked as she let out a huge gasp. "It looks like you're suffering a case of alopecia now."

That was actually great news for Pit. If Bayonetta didn't have any hair, she wouldn't have any powers…and then she would just be a normal human with some powers left from her demon pact. That was obviously one of the things the Umbra Witch feared because the last thing she wanted was to be protected or be defeated in a weakened state. While Pit found this hilarious, Bayonetta was absolutely furious. It said a lot when she was ready to pull the trigger on her pistols just for acting smug about it.

"I didn't do this." Pit hummed as he hopped away from the Umbra Witch and behind Shulk who couldn't do much about Pit using him as a shield. "I suggest you cover up. You're going to lose your clothes very soon."

Like Bayonetta cared if anyone saw her naked. She let out an uncharacteristic strong string of curse words directed at Pit. The raven haired witch would have risked everything to kill him just because he was infuriating her, but then Corrin's voice snapped her out of her rage.

"Cere, attacking Pit isn't going to solve the issue. We need to know what happened."

And the room was silent when Corrin stepped into the room. Pit's face became as red as a tomato staring at the dragon prince…or rather dragon princess seeing as how K had made him a woman…with the sole exception being his voice. He was able to keep his hairstyle, but that only made him more attractive than his sister. The worse part was his armor wasn't made for large breasts so the dragon tits he had pretty much broke whatever was keeping the armor together. Corrin blushed seeing where those blue eyes were looking and did his best to cover his chest.

"Please don't stare…" Corrin mumbled. "We need to figure out what happened."

"What happened?" Viridi asked as steam hovered over her head. "You became another fighter with huge knockers! Why is it just me that is stuck with the small chest?!"

"You still feeling inadequate Viridi?" Palutena teased causing the Goddess of Nature to scream.

"IT'S NOT FAIR! WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO GET LARGE BREASTS?!"

"Drink milk and grow up." Pit hummed before obeying Corrin's wishes and glancing away. It was best if he did. Cloud was in the room now and he looked ready to kill him…even if he looked like a Smurf at this point of time. "I'm serious. I didn't do anything. I just know that the book might be from Mel Fair Land. You never know what could happen in that place and who could have a spell book like that."

" **HOW ABOUT YOU CHANGE US BACK?"**

Cory really needed to stop talking. It felt wrong for her to speak when her voice was this deep. This was very humorous to the Goddesses and the angels, but they did need to figure out how to reverse the damage. Things could take a turn for the worse if they spent all day laughing.

Before Palutena could respond, a lot scream bounced off the walls and reached the Smashers that were in the room. Pit's expression dropped recognizing the voice.

"Zelda?!"

"Now you see why this is getting out of hand?" Shulk asked as he finished eating the carrot given to him.

"Uhh…you have a point…but whatever! We got to get to Zelda now!"

* * *

K had attracted the attention of many Smashers after what he did to the Corrin twins, Bayonetta and Cloud. He was getting annoyed the Smashers were interfering with his fun and decided that the next ones who show up would be transformed completely instead of halfway.

Zelda was the first one who tried to stop him realizing that he was the cause of the problem. He retaliated by casting a spell that turned her into a mermaid. The reason he didn't turn her into a Zora was simply because they were capable of walking on land thus the transformation would be pointless. As long as she had a mermaid fin, she wasn't moving from her spot. She screamed at the loss of her legs, but at the very least she could breathe out of water.

Link came rushing in almost immediately after hearing the Queen of Hyrule scream for help. This was when K decided to be a prankster and change Link's appearance to something everyone wanted to forget. Zelda stopped screaming and looked at Link in disgust at what he became.

"Umm…what is this?"

"CDi Link is the best Link." K hummed as Link stared at him in horror. "You should look in the mirror and then start shouting memes of the past."

K happily skipped away as Link continued to wonder what was wrong. The best part was that now Zelda didn't want to talk to him while he looked like that. It got the best of Link's newfound temper.

"WELL EXCUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS!"

"THAT'S QUEEN ZELDA TO YOU AND THAT'S FROM THE CARTOON WE WILL NEVER TALK ABOUT AGAIN!"

Chrom had come out of the kitchen wondering what the noise was about. He was in the way of the Villager who happily used his magic to transform Chrom into a Mii. Chrom was so confused at what was going on that he started to shake his hands widely when he noticed his voice had become squeaky.

"Now you can finally fight in Smash Brothers with your best friend and daughter." K said with his trademark smile. "You owe me 10,000 bells later."

K was out of control. He hummed wondering who would be his next victim. He headed toward the assist trophy section after the kitchen area. It was odd how most of the Smashers didn't stop him despite all the screaming and shouting. He was hoping that the next person was someone he could take advantage of completely. If he could ride the next person, then he could go to Smashopolis and continue his magic training there.

"Mayor K?"

K's expression fell hearing that sweet, gentle voice. He shivered seeing the next person on his path to conquest was Isabelle. The poor dog was puzzled at the loud noises happening on the Smasher side of the mansion.

"Is everything okay? You look different."

K's conscious was starting to fight with him. He didn't want to cast any harmful spells on Isabelle. He cared for her too much for that…but if he failed to cast a spell…then his fun was done.

"U-Umm…is there any spell that will make you go away?" K asked nervously as he looked through the book. "Umm…can you turn into something everyone loves about you? You'll go away, right?"

There was a spell that could work on Isabelle. K's conscience was gone when the spell hit the adorable yellow dog. At first, she didn't look effective, but then her body was wrapped in a white light. When the magic went away, Isabelle looked like she came out of Star Fox with a rather…alluring body.

"I am a sham." K said as he realized he made a huge mistake for poor Isabelle.

The worse part was there were Smashers who witness K casting the spell on Isabelle and had every intention of calling her out. However…

"So the dog is capable of being sexy."

"Falco, she's an innocent dog. Please refrain yourself from comments like that."

"Fox, you had Krystal and no what it means to have a sexy lady. What the kid did just now is what we guys want."

"No…we don't…"

How would K punish Fox and Falco for witnessing his crime? Why use a spell to turn Fox and Falco into their actual animals: Fox was now a red fox and Falco an avian. They could still talk though…

"Way to go Falco…"

"Doesn't matter. She's still sexy."

K needed to flee before Isabelle realized what her mayor did and scold him for using magic on people. He stopped running hearing the Smashers shouting to find K and bring him to Master Hand for causing problems for everyone. Now he needed to find a way to get away from the mansion…

"I will use my friends." K said simply as he went over to where he expected his friends to be. They were walking down the hallway agreeing to search for K with the rest of the Smashers. The red Villager knew that they all had this special telepathy that allowed them to find one another if they were to get lost. They were like an eight person hive mind (with the sole exception being Pink).

"K!" Pink called out. "Master Hand wants you!"

"Nope. I'm about to leave." K told them. "And I need your guys for that."

Now he will use the transformation spell that was warned to be dangerous. The seven Villagers were not expecting K to turn on them. He had crossed the line at this point. One moment the seven children still had their own bodies…the next…they all suddenly merge into one horrifying being with seven heads catching them completely by surprise. Then suddenly, a part of the mansion was destroyed due to the transformation into a monster that could help K get away.

"Come, my seven headed Hydra. We must go to Smashopolis and continue the fun."

Many of the Smashers who located K were already too late. The seven Villagers have become a seven headed Hydra with huge wings that could take K anywhere. The expression on K's face darkened as he got on the Hydra's back and ordered it to go toward Smashopolis. Any Smasher in Smashopolis was now in danger of being a victim of K's madness…

* * *

In the midst of the chaos, one Smasher was trying to mind his own business and stay far away from the conflict, but the conflict would come to him soon enough.

Rob emerged from the Smash Library carrying a couple of books in his hand. The books hid a huge grin. Unknown to many of the Smashers except maybe Pit, the new volume of _Dominion's Descent_ had come in. He had checked the last book out along with a few others such as _Ground Zero_ and an odd book called _Fallen Brides_. The last one was more of something that Pit would want and he picked it up just so he could ask questions on it. Pit had lamented one time about how all of these great heroines succumbed to their demonic desires and became demons, but Rob wanted to know if this book matched Pit's stories. He may have gotten strange looks from the librarian who went by the name of Snow White, but it wouldn't be the first time she murmured "pervert" under her breath (not like he would deny it though).

The minute he walked outside, he noticed there were people pointing in the direction of Smash Brothers Mansion. Rob only needed to take a few steps to see a Hydra coming their way. On top of one of the Hydra's head was K. That was all Rob needed to know before going back inside of the library.

The Hydra was closer than Rob thought though and K noticed the white hair from a distance. He could try to go back into the library, but it wouldn't take long to drag him back out. People were screaming and running in all directions as the Hydra got closer. K only needed to use his magic to create a magical tentacle that came out of the book to lunge toward the library and shoot through everything in it…just to grab one tactician.

"Are you kidding me?!" Rob asked out loud as the tentacle immediately snatched him from his hiding spot. He ended up dropping two books out of the three and cursed when he dropped _Dominion's Descent_. "Can I be in a story where I don't get taken hostage by a tentacle monster?!"

He let out a terrified cry as he was yanked out of the library and onto the Hydra's back where K was. Rob could see the red eyes staring at him…or rather the book he still had in his arms. He wasn't going to let go of what he had, so he held onto the book tighter even as the tentacle wrapped around his body.

"K…what the hell kid?!"

"I like that book." K said simply. "I want it."

"No! This book is not for children!"

The one he still had was of course the _Fallen Brides_ book. It really wasn't for K, but he wasn't interested in Rob's reasoning. If Rob wasn't going to give him the book, he would continue to mess with Smashopolis like it's his playground and keep him as a hostage.

There were other Smashers in Smashopolis that witnessed the Hydra's destruction specifically the Mario Brothers. You would think that if the Mario Brothers were in Smashopolis that they got Rob covered, right?

According to the Villager, they weren't even on his map. His vision of Smashopolis was to paint the metropolis his colors. He chanted another spell that gave the seven Hydra heads to be able to shoot goo from their mouth of different colors. When K gave the order, the Hydra heads started shooting the goo onto the buildings of Smashopolis or onto the people below the seven headed dragon. Anyone who was unfortunate enough to get covered in goo suffered the same fate as the Pinatas from Super Mario Sunshine. They fell into the goo with only the top of heads still visible. It was amazing that no one drowned, but such was the Super Mario Sunshine logic that K was running with.

Luigi wasn't as fast as Mario was and was hit by the black and white ink that was shot at him. Unlike others who sank into the muk, Luigi was sent flying into a wall. He was splattered against it until he became Paper Luigi.

"MARIOOOOO! HEEEELP! I HAVE BECOME 2D!" Luigi cried out as the ink actually prevented him from moving.

Mario couldn't hear his brother though. His eyes stared at the goo before him. Flashbacks of the terrible vacation he had returned to his mind. He remembered being arrested for a crime he didn't commit. He was tried for pollution and he didn't get Phoenix Wright as his defense attorney for that incident. Even when the culprit was exposed ten minutes later in game time, he still had to clean up after Bowser Junior's shit.

"It's a mad world…" Mario mumbled as the lyrics were being hummed in the background as he continued to gaze at the disaster before him.

"OH SNAP OUT OF IT MARIO!" Rob screamed from a distance. He could recognize that red hat from anywhere. "LOOK OUT!"

Mario was a dead man in the face of the seven headed Hydra. He could magically pull F.L.U.D.D. out of his ass, but he legit forgot the water pump back at home. He never would have imagined he would have to fight a monster that required pumping its mouth with water again. When all seven Hydra heads shot the goo at Mario, there was no way for him to fight back.

In the midst of being covered, something fell out of the pocket of his jumper. Mario's eyes widened in horror as the item fell into the goo. He attempted to reach for it but the muk was sucking him up.

"No! My Rosalina Amiibo!"

Again, Mario would lose the hard earned Amiibo to the Villager children turned Hydra. Mario was no more as his entire body sank into the goo with only his red hat poking out of it. Rob's eyes widened in horror at the sight before him before turning away from said scene murmuring the words "rest in peace".

"Our hero is dead…" Rob lamented as he glared weakly at K. "I swear when I get out of this tentacle that you're going to get a spanking!"

* * *

Only a few Smashers could counter K at this rate. With Bayonetta clearly out of commission due to having a bad hair day and Cloud having a freak out over his skin tone, Pit was one of the few Smashers left that had to handle it. In the back of his mind, the brunette was glad that Dark Pit wasn't around. He needed to thank Reyn, Lucina and Lucas for wanting a grand tour of Skyworld. It meant they would avoid this madness. It was also one less person Pit needed to worry about

"This is not good. K has Rob hostage…" Shulk began but was cut off by Pit turning toward the audience.

"Again." Pit finished as he shrugged his shoulders. "What do you expect at this point? He's competing with Peach on who can get their kidnapped the most."

"What are you talking about Pit?" Shulk asked really annoyed that he didn't understand what the angel was saying. He also didn't know who Pit was talking it even if it was obvious that Palutena and Viridi knew very well who Pit was addressing. "We need to save Rob!"

"We need to save Smashopolis before the colors splash all over the place…"

"Any plans Athena?" Viridi asked in a mocking tone knowing full well that Palutena had a plan and it concerned sending Pit to do the dirty work.

"I do." Palutena answered. "However, I don't think Pit can do it on his own."

"Ehh? Isn't he just going to grab the book from the brat and fly off?" Viridi questioned her.

"We can do that and risk more magic being shot out," The Goddess of Light began, "or we can use someone else as bait to get K's attention."

"Who would that be?" Pit asked. "I don't think K really cares much about me and if you're going to use Shulk, I think you're wasting your time Lady Palutena. K lives in a world where rabbits are common."

"I am not a bunny!" Shulk hissed before Pit popped up in front of him and shoved a carrot down his mouth.

"Less talking, more nibbling." Pit told him in a mocking tone. "So who are you going to use?"

"Oh…I don't know…maybe the dragon over there who needs to stop crying."

There was a long pause before Pit and Viridi let out an exaggerated cry. "WHATTTT?!"

"YOU'RE GOING TO USE CORRIN?!"

"I DON'T THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA LADY PALUTENA!"

"Oh, this is the perfect plan." Palutena hummed. "In fact, it's fool proof."

If the Salt Trio could get their act together, they would have protested in using Corrin as bait to get K's attention. When you had Bayonetta wanting to hide from everyone because of the lack of hair, Cory choosing to remain silent or Cloud wanting to leave to take a shower, it was impossible for the dragon prince to decline. He sighed as he continued to cover his chest. He really didn't like the evil glint in the green haired Goddess' eyes.

"…What is your plan?" Corrin asked timidly. If only his friends could be more supportive of him now then he wouldn't feel so vulnerable.

"I'm glad you asked."

* * *

If Corrin ever grew a backbone, he would finally be able to tell anyone, especially Palutena "no". Her plan was stupid mainly because Corrin had found a way to keep his breasts from shooting out of his armor. It wouldn't matter anyway since his hard work was going to become undone with the plan.

"I wish you said no." Cloud grumbled as held onto Corrin's neck. The silver haired prince had already shapeshifted into a dragon and was flying over to the seven headed Hydra. "It's not too late to turn back."

 _No…I'll be fine as long as it's you doing it._ Corrin thought to himself. He only huffed as a response to Cloud's complaining, but it was true that as long as the blond was there with him, he wouldn't be scared. **"HEY K! I GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU!"**

The seven headed Hydra did not notice Corrin even if he roared in dragon form. Cloud suggested Corrin fly to the nearest highest building that had yet to be destroyed by the Hydra. The dragon prince quickly zipped over to the building. He let the ex-SOLDIER get off of him before continuing to signal toward K.

" **K! PLEASE LOOK THIS WAY! YOU'LL LIKE WHAT YOU SEE!"**

In the background, the Goddesses were shaking their head with disapproval. Corrin was just terrible at taunting the opponent. His begging would only make his opponents want to hurt him even more seeing as how he was such a nice guy.

Rob flinched hearing Corrin's roar. K wasn't really interested in hearing what Corrin got to say seeing as how he was already a victim of his magical pranks. The male tactician could only imagine what Corrin was trying to do, but he trusted his instinct thinking that the dragon prince had some sort of idea of getting him out of this predicament.

"Hey, K…why don't you tell the Hydra to stop so I can see what Corrin wants." Rob told him "nicely". He was still pissed off about his situation and it showed in his voice, but he tried to tone down a little just so K would think he was already over it. "You can still do what you need to do."

"Don't order me around." K spoke causing Rob to shiver at his tone.

Even if K wasn't interested, the seven Hydra heads had a mind of their own. They were the other seven Villagers after all, so they were all in agreement of disobeying K just to see if Corrin had anything interesting to say.

Corrin took a deep breath realizing that he had there attention. His cheeks became redder as he started to fumble at his armor.

"Are you going to do it?"

"I have to…but I feel…a little nervous for some strange reason."

"They're just kids. They won't really register what you just did." Cloud reminded the younger Smasher as he got behind him. "If you won't do it, I will."

Corrin gasped feeling Cloud reach out and grabbed at his breasts. It would take too much time to simply strip him naked, so the ex-SOLDIER just did what Palutena wanted and tore the area where his breasts were. Out of the confinement the boobs…

While K wasn't really looking, Rob caught it from where he was tied to and turned away. He tried his best to hide his blush along with something else rising. He couldn't squeeze his legs together because of the tentacle wrapped around him.

" **Can you hear the sound of the drums drumming?"**

Ed's voice coming out of one of the Hydra head's mouth was shocking. K thought he took their voices away, but Ed was simply the exception.

" **A thunderstorm comes closer every time you hit the drums! The drum wants to escape from its prison! Let the drums be free!"**

Because Ed's voice was so loud, Corrin ended up letting a terrified shriek as he ended up grabbing Cloud by the arm and throwing him away. Cloud didn't even get a chance to react before he was thrown off the building and nearly into the goo below. He stopped himself by taking his buster sword and slamming it into the building so he could slow down his descent. He ended up stopping midway. He couldn't get back up to where Corrin was nor could he jump down. He didn't want to end up like Mario down below.

"This is the worst." Cloud muttered completely underreacting to Corrin acting overly emotional. "Pit better be ready to attack."

That was the problem with the revelation that Ed spoke. Palutena didn't witness the Villager children turning into the Hydra. Her plan was indeed to slay the dragon and grab the book from K. Now here Pit was flying with the Power of Flight not wanting to attack the Hydra because of Ed's voice.

"Lady Palutena, we really need a new plan."

 _"How about you just shoot the tentacle?"_ Palutena said quickly. _"Rob can finish up what we started."  
_  
"But…"

The only reason K didn't notice Pit was because Ed's head was making it more difficult for the other heads to focus on orders. While his face showed no trace of emotion, K's hands were starting to shake as he muttered spells to try and get Ed to stop his idiocy. Pit only had one shot to hit Rob…but what happens if the white haired tactician had no idea what the plan was? He could be put in greater danger than he was already in.

" _We don't have that much time. I don't want to take my chances with K."_ The Goddess of Light continued. _"Your archery skills are top-notch. I doubt you would hit Rob."_

"Hopefully he knows what to do next…" Pit murmured as he aimed his bow from where he was standing. "Rob…please do Palutena's work and stop him."

The angel captain fired the arrow toward the tentacle. Its lightning speed caught K off guard when he saw the arrow heading his way. He could have had pocketed the arrow, but reflex made him duck under it. The arrow ended up piercing the tentacle that was holding onto Rob. The huge gap in the tentacle allowed for Rob to pull away from it.

"Thanks Pit." Rob said to himself knowing full well that the angel captain couldn't hear him. "Now I will hold to my promise."

K didn't know what to cast. The Hydra heads weren't going to save him and he needed to be on a specific page to cast a spell. He was so busy pranking people he never bothered to learn combat spells that the book had as well.

"Uh oh." K muttered knowing full well he was dead.

"Uh oh is correct." Rob growled as he reached into his robe and took out his Thoron tome. He was glad he carried at least one of his tomes with him. He went to the library not expecting to deal with this type of shenanigans. Then again, if the author was truly sadistic, she wouldn't let Rob have any weapons on him. "Now you're going to give me the book or I will have no choice but to punish you."

"Nope. I'm having fun!" K hummed as he turned to a random page of the book and cast the spell. Rob wasn't having any of that and moved out of the way. He needed to be careful though. There wasn't that much room to fight on the back of the Hydra. Rob didn't want to kill the little shrimp either.

"…The fun ends now. You're bothering everyone else."

Rob wasn't stupid. He wasn't going to use Thoron and watch it get pocketed. He simply walked over to K after a spell meant to turn him into a frog failed. The tactician looked ready to grab K causing the kid to flinch. Of course Rob was aiming for the book though and attempted to seize it from K's hands.

"Not my magic book!" K shouted as he pushed Rob to the ground and attempted to wrestle the book out of him. "You will pay for this!"

"Little kids should respect their elders!"

At this point, the Hydra was rolling around to match K's emotional state. Now the seven headed dragon was crashing into tall buildings and knocking them down into the goo. Pit watched in horror at how things seemed to take a turn for the worse. How many Smashers were down there? Would the goo save them from the buildings? Cloud was more concerned with Corrin who might be hit if he stayed on top of the building.

"Corrin, stop your screaming and get down here! I need your assistance!"

The dragon prince did manage to calm himself. He would never get use to his huge boobs jiggling in his face. Sighing in defeat, he jumped off before he became a target of either the Hydra or the magic that was starting to shoot out due to spells being casted. The dragon prince happily transformed into his dragon form and flew down toward Cloud. The blond climbed back onto Corrin's back before using his strength to grab his buster sword out of the wall. Corrin flew out of harm's way before the dragon could target him.

Back on the Hydra's back, Rob ended up losing his _Fallen Brides_ book to the fighting. By trying to keep his Thoron tome in his hands to shoot powerful electric attacks as self-defense, he ended up dropping that porn novel down. It would never see the light of day again…

"You brat! I was going to give that to Pit!"

"Be a good harlot and give me back _my_ book!"

"Harlot?! Do you even know what that means?!"

"The term is used to refer to someone who sleeps with people for money and pleasure."

"W-What?!"

"The rumor mill says you're sleeping with Pit and Shulk. You can't hide from the rumor mill."

Rob's face was the same color of K's shirt now. Those rumors were a load of bullshit. Sure he had a crush on Shulk and sure Pit was one of his best friend's here in the mansion, but he sure as hell wasn't sleeping with either of them. The idea sounded nice, but there was no way either of them liked him!

This distraction was allowing Villager to take back his book. Rob's tome started to glow a bright yellow color though…

"K…I don't know who told you those rumor or taught you that word, but a harlot I am not!" Rob hissed as clouds started to form over them to fit the setting of Rob's turmoil. "Now I'm going to take that book from you and if you resist I will make sure you will be put in time out!"

K didn't know what to think with Rob's threats. He wasn't good at keeping them. However…the minute the clouds formed, Rob cast the Thoron spell. Two powerful thunder bolts hit K. The one that came from the sky was more powerful than the one that Rob cast. The minute K was hit, his skeleton could be seen like in the original Smash 64 days. Rob thought his lightning was too strong for the kid to handle but K was still living. The spell book was the intended target for the thunder bolt and it was the only reason that Villager was still alive.

The magic book that was being held between K and Rob started to burn. The male tactician groaned feeling the shock and released his grip on the book. K intended to hold onto the book though.

"Idiot! If you hold onto the book, you're going to actually die!"

K was stubborn. He would rather hold onto the book and die then let it go. The magician that K spoke to warned him that using the book too much would make him addicted to said book. If this addiction killed him though…

"You stupid kid…" Rob growled as he reached out and grabbed K. He then forced K to let go of the book.

"No…give it back…"

Rob flinched suddenly felt his hand on fire. The spell book the Villager had was starting to burn him. He needed to get rid of it now.

"PIT!" Rob screamed knowing Pit was nearby.

Pit only had thirty seconds left before the Power of Flight ran out. Palutena had confidence that her captain would reach the tactician in time.

The angel flew over to the seven headed Hydra that was getting electrocuted with K on top. The first thing Rob did was throw the book toward the angel that was coming in with his bow. Immediately, Pit split his bow into two blades and sliced the book into the middle. Palutena then directed Pit toward Rob. The white angel reached out and caught Rob in his arms the moment he took the risk of jumping off the seven headed Hydra holding onto the Villager by the collar. The lightning vanished instantly as if the person who cast the spell could control the lightning at will. The seven headed Hydra ended up torpedoing downward toward the building that Corrin flew away from. The entire foundation crumbled from its weight. Hopefully, there wasn't anyone inside of that building.

" _Pit, I got to drop you off now."_ Palutena warned Pit. _"Prepare for a bad landing."_

"W-What?! Why won't you let me play the hero?!"

This was bad news for Pit more than Rob. The angel tried to land on a roof of a nearby building, but due to suddenly turning off the Power of Flight, Pit tumbled downward with Rob and K. The last thing the angel captain wanted was to fall into the goo and get absorbed into it like Mario and the other citizens, but to his surprise, the minute the book was destroyed, the spells vanished without a trace. Any place that was affected by the magic disappeared. The goo evaporated into thin air and anyone sucked into it popped up covered in the muk. Mario was far from pleased how terrible he looked when he came out. Paper Luigi disappeared as quickly as he appeared and became Luigi again.

Anyone who was hit by the spell started glowing too. Corrin couldn't help but smile feeling the weight on his chest disappear (and he felt something else coming back as well). It didn't look so awkward seeing his chest where the armor was ripped. Cloud smirked seeing his skin turn to a normal color.

"Well, I guess that does it." Cloud said simply.

Corrin flinched hearing Pit let out a pathetic cry as he crashed on top of a taxi car. The alarm went off almost immediately causing him to curse his bad luck. Rob had dropped K at this point, but it looked like the kid had lost consciousness. The white haired tactician remained in Pit's arms while Pit complained about his back.

"I'm not that heavy." Rob reminded the older Smasher.

"You're not…but your weight isn't helping."

Rob really had no intention of getting off. He blamed Pit for everything that transpired even if it wasn't his fault. Corrin didn't know if he should run to them or check on the seven headed Hydra. Despite the damage to the building, the dragon heads turned back into the seven Villager children who all fainted except Ed who was sitting on top of Ace with his usual dopey smile.

"And Zeus smite the wicked with thunderous justice!" Ed declared. "I am hungry. I want to eat a bed. Buttered toast is nice too."

Cloud gave Corrin a look telling him not to assist the Villagers. If the yellow Villager was in his own world, then the other Villagers would be fine. As Corrin approached them, he could hear Pit scolding Rob about something.

"…You lost the _Fallen Brides_ book?!"

"It was either my tome or that porn book."

"First of all, it's not all porn! Second of all, I would have chosen that book over your tome!"

"So…you wanted me to remain the damsel."

Pit smirked as he finally got Rob off of him. "Well, I would be able to save you and be cool. I mean, the author wants us together."

"Huh?"

A huge growl could be heard causing Pit to flinch. He sighed realizing that Palutena could easily get Shulk in on the telepathic communication. This meant he was listening to the flirting the entire time.

" _Pit, I am no longer a Bunnit, so now I can go speed over to you if you try anything funny."_ Shulk said in a threatening tone.

"Oh, come on Shulk! You're overreacting to a little teasing."

" _Pit, can you check up on K? We need to ask him if he remembers who gave him the spell book."_ Palutena spoke.

"He also needs a huge scolding." Rob groaned. "Seriously, who is going to pay for the damage? It's not me. I saved the day."

"No, I did." Pit said quickly not liking where this conversation was going.

"Umm…I had to distract the Hydra…" Corrin muttered. "So…can I get the credit?"

"No." Both Pit and Rob told him before glaring at each other.

"You're the damsel in this situation that I had to bail out."

"Pit, you literally had five minutes to save people. You lost screen time because of me and you only got a minute total of doing anything important. I'm taking the credit."

"You would have added to your damsel counter if I didn't come in!"

"And I finished what you were supposed to do!"

Corrin wanted to hop into the conversation again, but Cloud walked up behind him and patted him on the shoulder.

"It's best to let them argue." Cloud told the dragon prince. "The others are surely coming here to pick us up. Plus…K has some explaining to do."

K should have stayed asleep. The moment he woke up was the moment he would be interrogated about the spell book. It would be pointless at the end of the day. The magician would get off scot free and one of the Smashers would have to pay for the damage caused in Smashopolis. But hey! The spells wore off on every Smasher so no worries there. There will be that one Smasher who would be broke by the time everything went back to normal.

* * *

 **Me: Done with 11229 words.**

 **Li: I'm surprised that the Villager is capable of such destruction.**

 **Me: He was always meant for greatness, but look what happens. Notes!  
**

 **1\. Again, I don't feel like giving an identity to the magician yet. What will end up happening is there will be a Queen's Blade character that will be introduced who fill the role or I will end up giving it to another character in my universe, so the gender remains a mystery.**

 **2\. Sonic running non-stop is a reference to that one Sonic X episode where he got that mechanical piece stuck in his ear and until it came out, he couldn't stop running. That's pretty much what the spell did.**

 **3\. When Villager cast the "Thing you hate/fear the most" spell, it is supposed to reflect on the Smasher psychologically.  
**

 **Shulk in game hates rabbit based items because he is often referred to as a Bunnit. Being a Wererabbit while obviously a fanservice thing, it still reflects how Shulk does not want to be seen as cute and helpless. He is clearly at Pit's mercy by Pit just giving him a carrot to suck on due to the type of spell it is.**

 **Cloud's skin turning blue as mentioned above is a reference to the Smurfs. However, Cloud's skin turning blue is a reference to him being constantly exposed to Mako and later getting infected by Geostigma. Cloud's "fear" is his past. While he has mostly moved on from Zack and Aerith's death, he doesn't want anything physical showing that he might not have moved on.**

 **Bayonetta losing her hair is very unrealistic (but the spell book is supposed to be really ridiculous in terms of what it can do). Her hair is connected to her clothes and her powers, so not having any hair actually limits her more than anything else. Bayonetta's "fear" is being helpless. Bayonetta doesn't like relying on others often as she does everything on her own. If her powers were stripped away, she would be a mostly normal human. However, there's also the joke that she loses her beauty by losing her hair and it's more of a joke in this story than a symbolic gesture.**

 **Cory's voice is lowered enough to sound like a man. Think of what happened to Fluttershy in season 1 of MLP:FiM when she became Flutterguy. Her "fear" is Anankos. He is this looming male figure in her life that has killed her in the original Revelations timeline that forced divine interference to go back into another world where Corrin is the protagonist and not her. Her love for Azura was taken advantage of by this male figure and she ended up paying for it with her body during the first week of the mating season. It's more beneficial to her than Corrin because of genital reasons.**

 **Corrin gets gender bendered is probably me wanting fanservice more than anything. Since Corrin and Cory are just mirror versions of themselves instead of twins, one would think he would look like his sister. Instead, he keeps his voice and his appearance but only gets boobs and female genitals. His "fear" is also Anankos but more along the lines of "pregnancy" and "mating season". He freaks out way more than he should when he's a woman because this is what his body would look like the first week of the mating season each other. He's the most vulnerable to Anankos' plan in this state, so he has to resist the temptation. So while it's hilarious to see Cloud nonchalantly go with Palutena's plan, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't that funny.**

 **4\. The three books Rob has are ones that I have brought up in my universe (and one that I implied in** _ **Higanbana in the Red Moon**_ **and** _ **Clockwork Galaxy**_ **).** _ **Dominion's Descent**_ **is the romantic comedy, supernatural, slice of life, adventure (list goes on) that all the female Smashers, the angels and Rob adore and are always reading in the mansion. Eventually, there will be a story going into great detail of what it's about besides the bits and pieces you get in stories like Dream Galaxy and** _ **Venomous Narcissus**_ **. The second book is** _ **Ground Zero**_ **and that is the story that I wrote for NaNoWriMo (it's only part 1 of 2). The story ironically is Raven's backstory in novel form but no one can put two and two together because of how surreal the story is (and no one can imagine it's the same Raven).** _ **Fallen Brides**_ **is just the monster girl book of the fallen heroes that Pit spoke of in** _ **The Slime Maker is Green**_ **story. While there's a lot of history explaining the fall of the heroines, Rob interprets it as porn seeing as most of the illustrations are porn.**

 **5\. If you think I'm taking a jab at Paper Mario: Color Splash…I kind of am…even if I make constant references to Super Mario Sunshine as the main reference.**

 **6\. If it wasn't apparent, Zeus randomly assists in the story. Rob's Thoron would not have had been as effective as a God stepping in to interfere. Ed's reference to Zeus is supposed to make everyone think he's crazy when he's secretly a prophet.**

 **That's it. Reviews are appreciated. Ja ne!**


End file.
